Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
handjob tips. give me some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize