Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
