i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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