note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
