I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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