One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You made out with two different species that night
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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