I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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