Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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