Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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