You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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