nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
No subtext here. People are naked.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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