My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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