Best friends brother. Beat that.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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