I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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