Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
