In the future we'll all be gay
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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