kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
