ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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