In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
