I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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