During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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