I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
