I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
