why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
