nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
