Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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