it hurts more in the daytime
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
