worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
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You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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