All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
