I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
