You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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