After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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