so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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