i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
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That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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