when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
look no pants
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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