so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My ass is underappreciated
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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