I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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