The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
