I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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