How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
