just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
