btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
