You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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