i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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