Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
