She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
