He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
