Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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