I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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