she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
