pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
True strength comes from lack of pants
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