i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize