i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
