We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
