Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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