Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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