I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
