Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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