sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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