Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
