I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
wow bdsm is so cute
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