I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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