It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
