sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
