i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
