She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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